


...an experiment called Sei

by UnclePotoos



Series: I am... [1]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alludes to Past Abuse, Medical Examination, Near Death Experience, Poisoning, Robotics, headcanon stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-09 14:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4351745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnclePotoos/pseuds/UnclePotoos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been nearly a year since doctors determined that Sei was living on borrowed time, and he was running out of opportunities to meet Aoba. Desperate, Sei comes up with a new plan to get out, even though the risks for it are great. He's willing to make them if it means he can meet his brother, even if it's just for a moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To See a Songbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of my three past series, "I Am...", which was inspired by my musing of what could have caused Clear to have his own will.
> 
> This fic takes place chronologically about a year after Aoba's accident. I hope you enjoy!

“The cornea and iris scans just exceeded 82%..."

"I'm having some difficulty get a solid read on the crystalline lens makeup..."

"Raise OCT up by 20 and give it another go..."

It was the third time this week the scientists decided to run more tests. Typing away at machines. Making slight adjustments to equipment and other little tools. Poking and prodding at the boy that laid calmly on the steel table as they continued their work. They had their jobs to do, and their concerns with the subject were nothing beyond him as something to examine and collect data from. He had an idea of what it was for, but he never asked the people. He learned a long time ago that he should just let them work.

They pumped the boy with some kind of drug that would numb his face, less as a kindness and more as a means to keep from any overly harsh prods from making him flinch. It made him rather groggy, and if it weren't for the chatter he might have fallen asleep during the examination. It was nearly impossible to tell if he was awake with how still he was, even though his eyes were wide open for the various tests.

His steady heartbeat gave away his half-consciousness, not that it really mattered. The monitor was there to make sure he didn't suddenly crash during any tests. Whether he was conscious or not didn't matter. There was always the fear the boy might suddenly slip away, though. His body was weak, and his heart was weaker. Doctors had told Toue a year ago that the boy realistically had very little time left, which made him panic. 'There was still so much to do', the boy had heard him say during that time.

Suddenly he was being treated with the utmost medical care. He did nothing on his own. The only time he ever walked was when he was being transferred from one seat to another. It had been a while since he stood for more than a few seconds. They were going to extend the boy's life as much as possible, while the tests that were killing ceased to lessen.

"Let's call it a day and pick up next week..."

"Vitals dipped more than usual today..."

"The subject should rest for a longer period before any more examinations..."

Tools were cleaned. Equipment was pulled away. IVs were unhooked and monitors were unplugged. The tests were over for the day, but the boy remained still on the table. It was unspoken that he was always to stay as he was until he was fetched. It wasn't anything new. None of this was.

He continued to stare up at the ceiling, unblinking, too lost in his thoughts to notice the soft clicks of the wheelchair being pushed in as the scientists continued to clean up the room and ignore his presence.

"Sei-san," sing-sang the one with the chair. "Are you ready to go?"

There wasn't any point in asking really. Sei looked up at the man standing beside him. Blonde hair. Glasses. Weirdly friendly demeanor. Virus wasn't alone either, but Sei had come to think of the two as fairly the same person in the few months they had begun assisting in his care. Trip didn't talk much anyway.

Sei nodded and began to sit up. Immediately, the smaller man was on his side and helping him move at the agonizingly slow pace.

"Not so fast, Sei-san. We wouldn't want you hurting yourself, now would we?"

It was impossible to tell whether he was making a joke or not.

After being eased off the table and into the wheelchair, the blonde duo began the trek with Sei to the health examination room. It was a formality that had been taken up in the past year after he went under any procedure. Just a pre-caution due to his critical state.

"Anything bothering you in particular?" The doctor asked as he took his blood pressure. The boy shook his head, since there was nothing beyond the usual issues bothering him. If there was anything, he tended to ignore them.

"That's good," the man said as he read the dial and etched down some numbers with a frown. It wasn't a surprise the numbers were probably bad. They had been for a long time. "So far nothing this year. You're not a clean bill of health by any means, but you're as good as I could imagine you ever being."

The doctor finished up his examinations and hastily sent them on their way. It wasn't likely he had other people to examine, but the blonde men didn't seem to mind his somewhat rude behavior. At least he acknowledge Sei as he examined him. It was more than most others did. The Virus waved goodbye with a smile, even though it was never returned.

They walked back to Sei's room in a calm quiet, as usual. Sometimes the Virus would chat about things. Sei would always listen, never add to the one-sided conversation, but he normally enjoyed what the man had to say.

"Sei-san, have you been able to see recently the new developments on Usui?"

Not always though.

"The new armor Toue has been working on for her looks absolutely stunning, and I haven't seen it in action, but I must assume that its power is staggering in comparison to most open market Rhyme armor," the man continued as usual without Sei's answer to the conversation.

Sei had no idea if the man knew what exactly Usui was, but he wasn't allowed to discuss it with anyone, so he had no way of knowing if he did.

A many years ago, Sei had created a virtual reality for himself that would allow him to exist beyond his body. Toue had discovered it, taken it for himself, and built an online network in its framework used to track and observe criminals. He disguised it as a game called Rhyme. Sei had no real choice but to strength the framework of the system and help him.

It worked, and as far as he was aware, very few people knew what the origins of it and what it's true purpose was. Or maybe everyone knew but no one talked about it in front of him. Maybe it made them afraid. Few people looked him in the eye anyway.

Either way, it would probably make Sei have to go through even more examinations if it was acknowledged more. The was mostly left alone, and Toue didn't order him to stay off the network, so he was allowed to still use it has he had originally intended. It wasn't like Toue could really stop him anyway, but he could still intervene. Sei tried to ignore that fear.

A few years back, after many years of searching and hoping, Sei located the player that he had been desperately hoping would one day link onto the network. The energy he gave off was undoubtfully the same kind Sei possessed. It was without a doubt his twin brother, the one he had learned about years ago when listening to some researchers talk when they though Sei had fallen asleep. Apparently a researcher had disappeared with his brother right after they were "born". He had been pronounced dead, but they weren't sure now, since Sei had been pronounced dead at "birth" as well. It was possible he was still out there, with an ability much like his kin.

He wanted to make contact with his brother, whose name he'd learned was 'Aoba' after diving into his Rhyme files. After observing his behavior, he determined it best to approach him in the guise of another player. By separating a piece of his consciousness from himself, he created an Allmate type existence out of himself.

Toue caught wind of his Allmate existence before he was able to make any attempt at contact with Aoba, but luckily he didn't learn what his intentions were with it. Sei sacrificed his Allmate existence so that Toue wouldn't find out about us brother and let him do with it as he pleased. Toue had apparently been wanting some kind of device what would allow him better control and watch the Rhyme network, and Sei's Allmate existence could help him do just that.

After some reprogramming, it was code named Usui, and Toue quickly implemented it into the Rhyme as an official MC avatar. It worked, and since Toue's workers couldn't remove Sei's consciousness from it, he could tap into it and see all that it saw without any detection. Aoba never popped up in Usui's watch, but that probably was due to the Allmate's position of overseeing only official matches and his brother having the habit of only doing Drive-By matches and other underhanded things.

Aoba wasn't the greatest person, Sei had come to realize, but he was still his brother. That bond they shared, even if one of them didn't know the other existed and they had never met, was extremely important to Sei.

He wanted to meet him. He just had to. He knew he didn't have much time left, and the chances were so very slim. Especially when he didn't have an idea of a means to do so...

"Sei-san? Hello, Sei-san?"

The boy came back to reality, unaware he had fallen so deeply into his thoughts. He looked around, expecting to already be back in his room, but instead he found the three of them to be in an intersection of a corridor. It was odd.

Sei looked up at Virus, trying to convey as much confusion as he could in his still somewhat numbed face. Apparently it humored that man.

"I was curious if you had seen any of the new Passerine units* yet," Virus asked with a polite smile, but something about it felt as though it wasn't just curiosity. It was probably just something Sei was picking up that wasn't there. He shook his head, earning him a hum from the man.

"Would you like to see them?"

Sei nodded after, and with little hesitation Virus turned the wheelchair into the adjacent corridor and the blonde duo lead him down it.

He knew nearly every nook of the Oval Tower and had the mapping of it burned into his memory, and the path the two were taking him along was not to the viewing dock. He felt a flutter of fear for a moment until he realized that the route they were on wasn't to the viewing dock, but the the actual working lab. He wasn't allowed in there, since there were potential hazards all about, and he doubted the two men acting as his transport had authorization in there either.

Still, this could be interesting, and Sei was too tired to argue anyway.

He had never actually gone to this entrance, so he wasn't quite sure what to expect it to look like. When they turned the corner, it was nothing special. Just a door with a bared window and a keypad beside it. Trip wasted little time in going to the keypad, so maybe these two were authorized to go in, but then he froze before typing in a password. Maybe not.

"879154," Virus said, probably picking up on Trip's hesitation.

"One more time," Trip replied, fingers hovering over the keys.

"8, 7, 9, 1, 5, 4," he repeated, slower so that Trip could punch in each key as his companion said them.

A soft click from the door notified them of their success, and the tall man pulled it open to allow them to roll through it. It was colder inside than Sei would have expected. He might have begun shivering if it were too much colder. Probably to keep the units from overheating, or perhaps the workers liked to work in colder conditions.

"Have you been in here before, Sei-san?" Virus asked as they rolled along the isles.

Sei shook his head as he looked around. Parts and tools were scattered about the work area. Unlike the medical rooms, this seemed cluttered and hindering to the work environment, but there was likely an order to this mess that Sei's just couldn't pick up on.

"Trip and I have only been back here once or twice, but it is a much better view than on the viewing dock. The Passerine units are truly interesting. It's a shame most aren't allowed to see them up close."

Eventually the work stations ended and the holding station began, and Sei's breath was taken away. The Passerine units he had heard about for many years now we're supposed to have a lifelike quality, but he never realized how serious they were about it in the final product. There weren't many, perhaps a few dozen of them, but each unit they passed looked as if they were just men, standing at attention and ready for an order. The only give away was that none of them seemed to be breathing, and that each one was identical to the next. Well, almost identical.

"Fascinating, aren't they?" Virus asked as they stopped in front of one of the units.

"T-truly..." Sei whispered, finding it a struggle still to talk after the vocal cord examination a while back.

The unit they stopped in front of looks just like the rest. White hair as colorless as the walls around them. Pale skin similar to his own. Pink eyes as lovely as a rose Sei had one seen pinned to Toue's lapel. Simple white jacket and pant combo with matching gloves and boots. It was an interesting design. The only difference between this unit and the others were two small dots beneath his lower lip, like little moles. Each unit so far seemed to have some kind of marking that seperated them from the rest.

"These are the second set of prototype units so far," Virus said, either to Sei or just out loud to himself and he walked up to the unit. "The R-2E set. These ones were given little imperfections to their skin to make them appear more human. An interesting design choice, in my opinion."

"All of them looking nearly the same might give something away though," Trip added in, which the other replied with a nod.

"These are still prototypes. I doubt any of these would go outside the tower."

The smaller man moved over to the computer the unit was hooked up to. Lines of code and programs cluttered the screen. Sei couldn't imagine how much coding there had to be to make these units work the way they should.

"This is the fifty-fourth unit** in this set," Virus muttered as he looked over the screen. Sei wondered if he was looking for anything in particular, or just glancing at the code. He doubted he knew what the data all meant, but just looking at them was probably interesting enough to entice someone.

"What type of AI are they using?" Trip asked from behind Sei.

"I think it's similar to what they're using in the Sanabit Allmates***, but more complex and without the focus on medical issues, and they don't need to set up a connect to a person in order to function."

Trip hummed in response.

"It looks like the AI isn't permanently integrated into the software," Virus said.

"Probably in case they need to replace any bad code without infecting the rest of the code," Trip added.

"That was a problem they had with the first set, right?"

Sei didn't hear a response, but he guessed that the taller man shrugged.

Quiet fell between them, and Sei continued to scan over the unit. It was so interesting how lifelike it was. The build looked delicate, but he guessed that it was quite strong. These units were designed both to blend into normal society without detection and have physical abilities out matching anyone. It sounded like quite a challenge to engineer when Sei first heard about it. Toue liked to talk to him about all sorts of things, since Sei wouldn't interject or argue with him. It allowed him to learn much about what was all going on the no one bothered to tell him of.

Seeing this now, for the first time, it felt almost unreal. Sei reached out his hand, which shook unsteadily, towards the unit's gloved hand that rested unmoving by its side. He wanted to touch it, but the reach was just out of his comfortable range of strain. He pushed himself to stretch further, which made his arm tremble greatly, but he just wanted to-

"Oi."

The suddenly voice startled Sei, instinctively causing him to pull himself back and act as though the action he had been previously doing hadn't occurred. He didn't take his eyes off the unit though, and his desires remained the same. Just more contained now.

He didn't attempt to turn his head when he feel a gentle shake in the chair as Trip gripped the handles of it. Their little exploration of the lab was probably over now. Sei blamed himself for getting carried away. Just because these two seemed to have access didn't mean he suddenly was allowed in here too. It was easier to accept that his time was up here.

He didn't expect, however, for the man to push him closer, now in a more easily accessible range. Sei chanced a glance back, meeting a non-emotional face in return.

"Did you want to touch it?" Trip asked.

"I-I'm..." the boy started, using his shaky words carefully to preserve his throat as much as possible. "Not supposed... to..."

"We're not supposed to be here anyway," Trip responded, surprising Sei.

"There's no known consequences for you, or anyone in that manner, to feel the unit," Virus added as he looked down at the boy from the computer. "It shouldn't break, and if it does then there is an issue with the unit. There isn't any chemical coating on it that would cause any reaction to you. The unit's pretty much in a state where it could be started up and walk out of here, so if you want to Sei-san, you touch it."

Virus' smiling demeanor did make him want to actually go through with his want this time, but there was still hesitancy in him. His eyes slowly switched between the man and the unit, unsure of what to do.

"There aren't an security locks in it that would be triggered if something made contact with it," Virus continued as he kneeled down besides Sei. "No one would to be able to access this area unless they were supposed to be here. Well, of course there are the rare exceptions, but you won't get into any trouble if you do. No cameras, no evidence, nothing that would get you in trouble. This would be our little secret."

Sei had to admit to himself. Virus made it seem so inviting, even though ha made it also so clear that he wasn't supposed to be doing this. Being in here, seeing this, maybe even feeling how real it skin seemed. If he had known before hand what Virus had meant when he asked if he wanted to see the new Passerine units, he would have declined, but now that he was there, what was there to lose? These things just fascinated him so...

After a bit more thought, Sei reached out his hand again, closing the few inches of distance between him and the unit. His shaky fingers hesitated just before making contact, and he ignored Virus' cooes for him to actually go through with it as he tried to focus past his anxiety. It was the one he always felt before he tried I do something he shouldn't, and it never got easier to work past. He just had to do it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *- This is my headcanon name for what automatons like Clear and the Alphas are called. "Passerine" is a category name for birds, which can be referred to as perching birds or, the reason why I liked it, songbirds. A little more incite into what the heck the chapter title meant if you didn't know before.  
> **-This is supposed to be Clear's unit, R-2E-054, and this is my attempt to make sense of that serial number. Product type(R)-Production Set(2) and Model Type(E)-Set Unit(054). Sets for this model type generally exceed 99 but rarely exceed 999.  
> ***-This is my headcanon of there being Allmates designed to be like personal medical assistance that track their owner's medical condition, have high observational and creative problem solving skills, and had a very nurturing nature. I headcanon Clara being an that kind of Allmate, but that's for a different time. "Sanabit" is Latin for "healing" (I got that from Googlr translate so if I'm wrong that's why I just wanted to sound cool)
> 
> So I hope this first chapter intrigues you to read more! 
> 
> Please leaves kudos or a comment if you like and I hope to hear your feed back.


	2. To Envy a Songbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to space these chapters for the series a week apart from one another. I might get behind sometimes, but I'll try my best to keep to that schedule.
> 
> I finished this chapter and then had I completely write the ending of it. It just wasn't good. Reason why it's good to not publish stuff the moment you finish writing.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Well, what do you think?"

The skin that had been hiding beneath the unit's gloves was soft and smooth, like healthy skin should feel like. But it was cold, much like how the lab was. It was a little unsettling, being with how lifelike the unit looked and how chilled the skin was, like someone who had not recently passed on. It was just powered down, but still, it was a little creepy. This definitely was a robot.

"It's soft..." Sei answered, after mulling over a good response for a little bit.

Virus chuckled in response, amused by the boy's quiet admiration. "I believe these were designed to be pleasing to people, so I'm not surprised."

Sei rubbed gentle circles into the palm of the unit's hand. He couldn't believe that underneath the pale skin there were wires and metal, instead of veins and bone. It just felt so real, the way the flesh pushed around and the way the underworks shifted about. It was even more amazing to him to think that this was just considered a prototype. Seeing one of these in action would probably be unreal.

"Virus," Trip said suddenly from behind him, but this time Sei didn't jump, still engulfed in studying the unit's hand.

The smaller man looked back from the computer and gave Trip a nod. After clicking away a tabs on the screen, Viris knelt down besides the boy, who didn't acknowledge his closer proximity. He understood that that was rude to do, but he also understood what Virus was about to tell him. Something about the unit pulled him in, maybe it was idea and feat of it, or the look, or maybe there was some kind of potential it possessed that was intriguing to him that he couldn't pinpoint. Whatever, he wasn't ready to leave.

"Sei-san," Virus started, and still smiling calmly even as the boy didn't reach to him saying his name. "We need to be going now."

Sei wanted to ignore him more, but he understood the situation. At least he thought he did. None of them were supposed to be here, and the duo knew more than he did. So if they said they needed to go, they were probably in risk of being caught by someone. He did want to get himself or the two into any trouble.

He nodded, not looking over, and started to put the glove back in the unit that he had removed and set into his lap. Sei's hand tremored lightly, making it hard to guide the fabric over the fingers. It was frustrating, to say the least. His trouble was evident to Virus, but he let the boy try for a bit longer to see if he could manage on his own.

When it was clear this would take longer than satisfactory, Virus stepped in, gentle easing the glove from Sei's hands and pulled it over the unit's bare hand. The white material stretched over the fingers in just the right way, and when they pulled away it was if the unit had never been disturbed.

"Are you ready, Sei-san?" Virus asked, even though he probably would take him if he said he wasn't ready. It was just formality to do so.

He nodded, and Virus smiled warmly. "Alright!" he said cheerfully as he grabbed the handles of the chair and began to push it along.

They didn't get very far before Virus stopped. Sei glanced back, curious as to what prompted the halt, and found Trip studying the computer screen.

"Is there something wrong?" Virus asked.

"Hm," the taller man hummed before pointing at one of the opened code tabs. "Is this the AI?"

"Let me see," Virus replied as he turned the wheelchair around and walked back up to the computer. "I believe so. Why?"

Trip pointed to a particular section of coding and asked, "Isn't this tracking software?"

Virus studied it for a moment, reading the text that seemed to make some sense to him. "Yeah, I think so. I'm surprised they put it into the AI programming."

"You wouldn't be able to find or control the unit if someone hacked in and removed the original AI."

"Precisely," Virus agreed. "They also don't have the ability to link over any networks, so it could be completely cut off from anything. It's not the smartest design choice, in my opinion."

"Nope," Trip ended, walking away from the computer with Virus following close behind and took the handles of the wheelchair. They rolled back through the lab, past the other units and work stations, and back out into the warm halls.

The door clicked behind them, and as they rolled away, Sei hoped they didn't have to enter anything back in when leaving, cause they didn't seem to be concerned with anything like that. He still very much doubted those men weren't allowed in there, but he also felt they didn't care that he thought that.

As they turned the corner away from the lab, they past a man in a white lab coat. He didn't stop them or question them, but the boy was still nervous until he couldn't hear his footsteps anymore. It wasn't hard to notice him giving the blonde duo an eye as he passed that wasn't the friendliest, but Sei wasn't sure if it was because he was suspicious of them, or if he just didn't care for them. Sei had come to notice that people weren't all that fond of Virus and Trip, always keeping them at a distance and not returning their friendly demeanor.

They apparently had been part of an experiment here years back, something to do with seeing what children would do, starting at a very young age and continuing as far as possible, if they were isolated as a group in an environment that satisfied all their basic needs. He had also heard that it fell apart in the later years due to some things thar happened, and while Sei didn't know what they were, they must have been really bad to make the experiment get canceled. He had also heard that those two were somehow involved in the things that happen, and it made people that knew about it wary of them. They seemed nice enough, but that didn't mean he didn't notice something off about them too. He still opted to trust them right now.

They didn't do anything bad anyway, so there wasn't any reason to tell anyone about the visit into the lab. Besides, it was kind of fun, and the Passerine units were really interesting. True, there were things that needed to be worked on in the next models, if what they were saying was all accurate, but they were still amazing. It was interesting that those two knew so much about them and understood that code.

He learned a lot about them and from them just by listening to them talk, but that wasn't new. They, at least Virus, talked a lot.

"So, what did you think?" Virus asked as he walked beside Sei, no down smiling down at him.

"Very f-fun..." he replied, smiling a little.

"I was hoping you would enjoy it. They're just fascinating to Trip and I."

Sei nodded as he talked, half listening to him while mulling over his own thoughts. The man was just chattering at this point, about the beauty or what not of the units.

It was kind of amusing, but Sei was rather tired, and he really wanted to take a nap for a little while. He could feel himself nodding off as they rolled down the halls. It wouldn't be the first he had fallen asleep like this, and he had woken up in bed with his usual clothing swapped with the hospital gown he always dawned during examinations and such things. So they would mind if he just dozed off right here...

"...-san? Sei-san?"

The boy's eyes fluttered back open, and he looked back up at the man who must have been trying to get his attention for a while.

"S-sorry," he apologized as Virus put a hand up in dismissal of Sei's apology.

"It's quite alright. You've had a long day. I was just curious if you were at all."

Sei tilted his head slightly, confused by that last statement. His confusion must have translated up to Virus, because he chuckled and briefly apologized for his own mistake.

"You must have been drifting off when I ask," Virus continued. "I was wondering if you envied the units. Just a curious thought."

That wasn't what Sei had expected to hear. The question made his thoughts still in something of shocked confusion. It repeated in his mind, trying to make sense of the idea. To envy a robot. It was never a thought he could have come up with on his own. The thought continued to mull, and the man beside him fell quiet as Sei's focus directed to his inward processes.

They continued and finished their trek like this, and Sei didn't even realize they made it back to his room until Virus stirred him from his thoughts. It took him a moment to orientate himself before his room struck him as familiar, still very focused on his thoughts.

He was silent as the two helped him out of his chair, as they dressed him in his clothes, and still as they eased him into bed and got him cozy. This wasn't a new occurrence, but the distance expression his had was somewhat of a change from the norm. They ignored it until they finished their current duties.

"Cozy?" Trip asked, to which Sei nodded to. The bed was generally very soft and comfortable. It was a part of the plan to maximize his remaining life. A bed that was optimal for a person's body could help it from becoming sore or developing complications in joints and such.

"You're very interesting," Virus sad suddenly as he finished tucking the blankets into the sides of the mattress. "Did you know that Sei-san?"

The honest answer was yes. Of course he was interesting. His power, what they referred to as Scrap, was something only him and his brother had. He was the nearly completely successful product of years of intense study and experimentation. One of a kind. Toue was working on making himself capable of it, but his would never be as powerful nor functional as theirs. He was extremely interesting.

But speak of himself as a person, he couldn't say that. He was basically a lab animal that was somewhat treated like a person. He was boring and quiet, certainly not interesting. He shook his head, but the downcast of his eyes made Virus catch on to its meaning being more "I'm not interesting" as opposed to "I didn't know that". The man sat down on the edge of the mattress, legs crossed oh-so delicately, and he looked over at Sei. The boy's eyes still faltered, not meeting Virus's, which bore into him and demanded his attention.

"You are very interesting, Sei-san. Trip and I both think you are. You can do such interesting things; it's captivating."

Even though he wouldn't look up, Sei couldn't help but smile slightly as he listened, a light blush forming on his cheeks. He wasn't used to being flattered.

"You're strong too, even though your body isn't. We see the things you are put through, and we see you struggle, but I've never seen that spark in your eye go out. There's something you're fighting for, and it's pushing you. I can tell; you're a fighter, and I'm very curious as to what it might be and what you plan to do to get it."

Finally, Sei chanced a glance up as Virus. His expression was still that warm and friendly smile he always had, but there was a glint in his eyes that wasn't the same. He couldn't place it, and he didn't know what exactly to think of it.

But they knew, likely not everything, but they knew that Sei was up to something. Even if they didn't know what, it was a bit unsettling that they caught on. He didn't want anyone to know that he had any intentions beyond cooperating with all the experiments and all of Toue's plans and be anything but what he was born to be. He didn't feel any spite for that. He was born with the intention of being an experiment, and Toue treated him like a son, but that didn't mean he wanted his brother to become subject to this life. It was literally killing him, and he couldn't bear Aoba having his freedom stripped away and put through the things he did.

Even if there was just a slight chance that someone knew what was going on, it still scared him, and these two were still very much a wild card in his mind. Most people Sei was able to figure out where they stood, but these two were hard to read. They could be Toue's right hand men, or they could be here with the intention to take him down. Neither would shock him.

Virus patted Sei's leg, flashing him a smile he could almost say looked sly. Again, he wasn't sure whether he was supposed to feel comforted by that or unnerved by it. These two seemed to always do things that were unreadable. Maybe that was their intention, or maybe that was a lingering effect from the experiment. There was no way to tell, and Sei wasn't allowed to use his Scrap to try and find out. Not that he really wanted to use it. He had no idea what he might find if he dove into the minds of these men, old haunts and what not.

"Don't worry," Virus said as he winked at Sei. "It'll be our little secret, just like earlier. Wouldn't want Toue to find out you've got your own ideas, now would we?"

That was probably supposed to be reassuring, and while it was somewhat, the man was just creepy about it. As the man got up and the two left, waving goodbye for the evening, Sei decided to not waste time trying to figure out if that was supposed to comfort him or be a threat. At least he could rest now.

Finally giving into his exhaustion, Sei let himself fall back and sink into his bed. It was so soft and inviting. This was one of his favorite parts of his day. Almost the moment he closed his eyes, he felt himself drift off. He loved being able to sleep, because that meant that...

\-----

When he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by a familiar blankness. He smiled and began to stretch out. Running his fingers through his impossibly long hair. Stroking the smooth black and white patterns on arms and face. It felt so good to be himself after such a long day.

He walked around the space, jumping and twirling and just enjoying being able to move around without his physical body groaning and demanding him to stop. It was so nice, and even though this wasn't reality, the sensations he experienced felt so real and wonderful. This was what it felt to Sei to be alive, and the closest he felt I being free.

But while this space and this virtual body let him feel alive, it also limited him, like a bird in a big pretty cage. There was nothing to this space besides the blankness of it. No matter how far he ran or how high he flew, there was no end to it, and nothing within it. It was just him. He could create illusions to humor himself, but they would never stay permanently, and it never fully satisfied himself.

He wanted to go out of this place, his mind, but his physical body trapped him I'm here. He could create other consciousnesses from himself and send them out like scopes, but he himself couldn't be free. Sometimes he was okay with it, but others it was just overbearing. Somedays when he'd come to this place, the weight of just how trapped he was came crashing down on him, and all he could do was curl up very small on the ground and stay so very still.

As his thoughts started to race along this path, he barely realize it as he started to droop to the ground and hold his legs close to his chest. Tuck them close and hide himself behind a wall of hair and moth-like wings. It was the most comfort he could achieve in this time. He accomplished as much doing that as he did running around for ages on end, so there wasn't anything wrong with giving into the sadness for a little while.

As much as he loved Toue and wanted to help him, that part of Sei that wanted to be free become more increasingly potent as time went on. His physical body was so weak, and every day it grew weaker and trembled harder at simple tasks, the more he wished that he could cut himself away from it. Sever the connection he had with it, set himself free, from it let him become something else. He felt so desperate at this point.

But that was impossible. His ability allowed him to create, not destroy. He had no options at this point. The Allmate existence failed, since Toue found it out before he could do something with it. His body was too weak to stand up on his own. He was too weak to do anything.

Maybe Virus had a point earlier. Maybe he did envy the Passerine units. They were strong, and he wasn't. He was so feeble, and the unit's were supposed to be able to outmatch any man in strength. If they wanted to, surely they could stand up to Toue, but that was a stupid thought.

The Passerine units were robots. They didn't have their own thoughts, and certainly wouldn't have any desire to do anything on their own accord. They were controlled beings, advanced technological beings so strangely human, sure, but none the less controlled, and even if one stood up it would likely just be trashed or reprogrammed. Toue would never have something made that he couldn't overpower with his resources.

Still, they were strong, and the irrational part of Sei was envious of that, wanted to be that even, maybe, no. He didn't know. It was probably just the desperation in him, but the more he let the thought sit, the more it festered in him, and an irrational idea quickly became an insane one. He couldn't be a Passerine unit. There was no logic in the idea. It was a machine, and you couldn't just transfer yourself into a machine. It was extremely human, but it wasn't human.

But... he wasn't quite human either... so maybe...

Like Virus said, he could do interesting things. He could take a piece of his consciousness and make it a separate being, yet still connected to himself as himself, like a copy he had some control over. He could use it as another set of eyes out in the virtual world, but he could also trust it and hope it does what he would do if he had freedom from his body. It was all quite interesting.

Since they could exist on the virtual plane, who was to say that it couldn't be something that could convert into data, or maybe an AI program. As Sei thought about it, it made a lot of sense. Anyone essentially who played Rhyme technically had their consciousness scanned in as data, and it was likely that Sei was no exception to this.

The boy relaxed his tight position and tried to focus his thoughts more clearly. The seed of an insane idea had already been planted and taken root, but Sei needed to figure out whether or not the soil could foster it into bloom. Thinking back on what he learned today, piecing what he could recall with things he already knew and assume, a plan slowly started to form.

By the end of the night, when Sei could feel his body stirring, he had something. It wasn't much, it could barely even be called a plan by his standards and everything was based on theory, but it was a solid starting point. He needed more time think things through, figure out pieces of it that just didn't make sense yet, and craft enough of a plan that he felt was good enough to executable.

But regardless of how much planning and preparing he did, he knew that it would still be extremeky risky, but this was the only shot Sei knew he had at this point. He wasn't afraid of it not working, since it wouldn't necessarily be him in danger, but more afraid of what would happen if he got caught. With Usui, Toue didn't ask many questions, but this would probably unlock a slew of invasive questions that could make everything blow up in his face. That was much scarier.

But Sei was willing to risk it. Big risks for an insane plan made sense, but he felt like it was worth if it worked. To become a robot was no easy matter, and he didn't expect it to. When he felt his world begin to fade back to reality, he felt scared, but he also almost felt ready. He just needed a little more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a kudos or a comment if you want to. I love hearing feedback from you guys.


	3. To Hope on a Songbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter ended up being much longer then I in thought it would be. But hey, more for you to read!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this next update! Shit's starting to go down!

“Good morning Sei-san!”

The boy’s eyes slowly fluttered open at the sound of the familiar. After a few moment of adjusting to the bright lights of his room, he glanced over at a kind face. The woman who generally woke him up was a nice person. Sei had known her for a few years now, and she had become one of his favorite people, even though he didn’t know her name. She never formally introduced herself, and he was never really around her with other people. It felt like it would be too awkward at this point to ask what it was.

He smiled lightly at her, and she giggled before asking, “Are you feeling good this morning?”

Sei nodded, and the woman hummed happily in response before launching into chattering about something that happened the other day. She never expected him to talk, did enough talking for the both of them, but it was nice. She had a soothing voice and a patient attitude, which was a blessing first thing in the morning. It was always the hardest to move right when he woke up. He was never sure if it was his body being stiff from being so still while sleeping, or an after effect of his usual nightly mental roaming, or a combination of both.

“Alright, just take it slow,” the woman said as she helped ease Sei into a sitting position on the edge of the bed. 

His bare feet rested comfortably flat against the floor, and for a moment he reached a time when his toes could just barely graze it if he pointed them really hard. That was a long time ago, and he could launch himself off the edge and run around too. That was definitely a long time ago. There were less examinations then, and he had a greater sense of freedom. 

Sei shook his head, trying to stop thinking about bittersweet things. He had a lot he needed to think about with clear head, and starting the day with this negative mentality wasn’t going to help.

“Sei-san, is everything alright?” The woman asked worriedly as she brought his clothes to him. He nodded again, and while she smiled like she usually did, he could tell she didn’t believe him. This wasn’t the first time an exchange like this occurred, but she never pressed him, and there was never any signs later that she might have informed someone that there was something not quite right. He wasn’t sure why she never did, but he liked to think he could trust her, if he ever needed to one day.

Things continued as normal, the woman chatting in her bubbly manner while helping him change from his night clothes to his day clothes. He hadn’t developed a shame in being naked before people, and this particular arrangement hadn’t changed in a while, so there weren’t any awkward moments when she helped him change his undergarments.

Sei briefly glanced up at the wall in front of him, and for a moment locked eyes with himself in the reflection of a mirror before looking away. He was faced with a him that looked so tired, bags under his eyes and his face looking quite thin and pale. It was a little haunting, to be honest, and reminded himself why he didn’t look in mirrors anymore. He hated facing the reality of what was happening to his body, to him. He didn’t need this today.

The whole process went rather smoothly, and once Sei was dressed, the woman helped him into his wheelchair and pushed him out into the hall. Like clockwork, the blonde duo seemed to just arrive to meet them at the door. Virus greeted them with his usual warm smile, and Trip hovered behind.

“Good morning,” Virus beamed, with Trip shortly behind nodding a subtle greeting.

“Good morning, you two,” the woman replied, giving them a quick bow, which they returned.

Small talk was made between Virus and the woman as they exchanged Sei’s chair. The man paid her a compliment, the woman giggled, and before the boy knew it the blonde duo were rolling him down to breakfast. He didn’t bother to look around for the woman to see her off. She always seemed to vanish as soon as her morning task was complete.

The walk to the dining hall was a bit of a distance, but it was a lovely one. While most of this floor of the tower was plain white walls, the open halls here were decorated with crystal arches upholding a massive skylight that was captivating, especially when the faux moonlight captured it just right. When the light would filter in, the clear architecture would seem to illuminate, and the filtered light would drape the hall in broken columns of filmy whiteness. It was one of the most beautiful things Sei had ever seen, so clean and pure.

“It is quite lovely, isn’t it?” Virus asked, breaking the quiet as he nearly seemed to read Sei’s mind. But he probably was just picking up in his awed expression. The boy nodded with hum, and the man paused their walk to get a few more moments to look around. 

“It’s a very pretty cage,” Trip commented out of nowhere as he looked around. 

The comment, while it struck Sei as weird for him to say, quickly hit home yo feelings he had been dwelling on. It was indeed a pretty cage. Lovely crystalline beams arching over a marbled floor, so breath taking in the moonlight that he could just sit and stare at them for hours on end, yet on no wall was there an exit he could walk through. He was trapped in here. Everything about the physical world seemed to trap him. His home, his maker, his body. He had no freedom here.

“We don’t want to make you late now,” Virus said as he began pushing the chair again, ignoring the somewhat grim comment he had made and causing Sei’s head to lurch back a bit from the sudden movement.

The beautiful crystal soon was behind them, and bleak halls surrounded their path. They fell into a silence as they went, only the soft clicks of the chair and the men’s footsteps broke the quiet. This was usually the time when Virus would begin to chatter about something, a retelling of a curious thing he saw or start a pseudo-conversation with Sei about something, but he remained quiet. It was a little uncomfortable, and the boy wished he would say something, but he didn’t, and the rest of the trek was done in silence.

When they reached the dining hall, they seemed to be the first to arrive. As Sei glanced at the clock, he noted that they were a few minutes early, so the lack of others made sense. They were normally a little early anyway. Virus helped Sei into his seat near the head of the incredibly long table as usual in front of a silver tray of various morning dishes and picked up his napkin, but the man paused as he held the thin material in his hands.

“Sei-san,” Virus said in a confused tone.

The boy looked up at him, and Virus stared back down at him, his eyes almost searching his face in a way. It was a little unnerving. As Sei stated back, he noticed that the man’s eyes seemed a little lighter in color than before. It was probably just the light of the room playing tricks on him.

A few moments later, Virus seemed straightened back up and said, “Sorry, I thought I saw something on your face, but I think I was mistaken.”

The boy gave him a weak smile, still a bit uncomfortable from the sudden closeness, and sat back forward, only to find the other man stirring a small bowl of soup on his tray. Small bits of vegetables swirled around as the spoon mixed the hot broth about. Trip looked unimpressed by the dish, but he generally looked that way about everything.

“It smells good,” was all he said as he removed the spoon and set it back beside the bowl. The broth soon began to slow its spinning, and the bits floating around mostly sank back to the bottom, though a few bits remained bobbing at the surface. Sei couldn’t really smell it from his seat, but it looked rather good, as did the other morsels on the tray did.

Once Virus folded the napkin as he felt fitting, he helped lay it across Sei’s lap. The boy wasn’t overly fond of them doing that for him, but he was glad that he at least got to feed himself. When the two were done settling him into his seat, they back off and seemingly disappeared against the wall behind him. Then the room fell into silence again as they waited for the rest to join.

After a couple more minutes of quiet waiting, the other set of doors leading into the room opened up, revealing a small group of men. A few of them walked in, flanked by a familiar face, and the rest followed behind. They all stood at their seats at the table, spaced out along the incredibly long length of it, and Toue stood at the head next to the boy. The men waited for him to sit before they with as well, and then began their meeting.

This really was just the daily meeting, but Toue liked to have breakfast with Sei, so he decided to have both at the same time. Food was brought to them during the meeting, and the boy listened as the others discussed pressing matters. On the rare occasion Toue would address Sei on a matter, but it wouldn’t ever be of much importance the answer. Normally it was just for him to reassure a decision the man had made. He really could just be given food in bed, but it was nice to have this formality.

Sei sipped the soup as the others talked, focusing on keeping his hand steady as he feed himself. He just wanted the day to get on with itself. He wasn’t even really listening today, still stuck on what he had planned that night and it distracted from the conversation around him. He didn’t even notice Toue addressing him, until the man lightly tapped his wrist to garner his attention.

“Is everything alright, Sei?”

He nodded, somewhat confused, as he set his spoon back into the half eaten broth. The weak reassurance seemed to ease any of the man’s concerns as he sat back with a smile. Perhaps he misread the boy’s distracted behavior for something else.

“That’s good to hear. You’ve had a long week, and I have been a bit concerned if you were managing it well.”

It wasn’t much different from any other week, just a few more tests than usual, but the thought was nice. Even if it was Toue the one making the decisions overall, he was also the one making sure he received some consolation after it all and have enough comfort to make things bearable. 

In all honesty, none of it was probably enough to make up for everything in a normal circumstance, especially with how detrimental the effects were on his body. But this was all he knew, and what he really needed was for the tests and examinations to stop. That wasn’t going to happen, so he was grateful for what he had.

“Since you don’t have any tests today,” Toue continued. “I was curious if you would like to accompany me to an inspection of a project the lab has been working on. I believe you were there a few years ago when I approved it, the, um… ah yes, the Passerine Project.”

At the mention of the robots, Sei tensed up. He hoped the man wouldn’t notice his tension, wouldn’t somehow suspect that he had already seen them. It was impossible for him to know what he had going in his head, but sometimes it seemed like he could read his mind.

He tried to remain calm as he nodded and quietly said, “W-would be… fun…”

He was probably going to be taken to see them anyway, but it was always easier to make it seem like he wanted to. It generally pleased Toue if he cooperated easily, which was a good thing to do. 

Even if it was rude to claim and probably not true, but it seemed that if Sei did something to make him mad or if Toue was just irritated by something else, there seemed to be more tests and examinations than usual. Sometimes things were done completely unnecessarily, like the vocal cord examination. It was already determined that there was nothing about them that was special, but an even more invasive exam was done anyway. Sei couldn’t even remember what had happened to possibly make Toue decide to do it, but the lingering effects was enough to make him be very cooperative. For the most part.

Sri tried to focus back on just eating him soup, blocking out Toue and the others as they changed the subject to other matters. He just wanted to remain calm, but a headache he hadn’t realize had formed was making it hard. The aching on the top of his head was very irritating, and it was screwing with his vision. He tried blinking it away, but it wasn’t helping. Nothing was, and he just wanted to eat his breakfast. Sei went to reached back for his soup, but suddenly everything black.

—+—

When he came back, everything was very blurry and nothing felt quite real, but he felt like he had collapsed against the table. There was a lot of movement and indistinguishable sound, but nothing he could make sense of. It had happened so quickly and nothing made sense. It was like someone had flicked off a switch in him and all he could do was barely perceive the world around him. He had no idea what was going on and he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t do anything.

Something pulled him off the table, or at least he thought that was what it was. He could have been on the floor and he wouldn’t haven been able to tell the difference. A new blur was in front of him, babbling something that wouldn’t register. He tried to get a grip of himself, but the vague world around him kept fading in and out. Thoughts racing, more stumbling about and making failed connections to understand what was happening. 

The blurs around him moved so fast and suddenly everything began changing quickly and the noises seemed to cluster frantically. He thought he was being moved about, but he wasn’t sure, and then something clicked. Somehow he made a connection to some time again when he was listening to some doctors chat while waiting for someone to pick him up. They had been discussing symptoms of a patient who had died earlier that week after they pulled the plug on her. They patient had had a stroke, and they had gotten into surgery little too late to help her.

He was having a stroke, and they were probably rushing him to a doctor or maybe immediately into surgery. He had no idea which, but he did know that now he was scared. As the blurs kept changing rapidly, the world finally faded into black, and he feared he might not be able to come back again.

—+—

Sei opened his eyes, and found himself in his world of endless white. He looked down at himself and saw the familiar black and white pattern of his skin. As he slowly curled his fingers and felt them move easily, he breathed somewhat of a sigh of relief. At least he was still alive, even if he was unconscious and had no idea what was going on in reality. He was forced to play a very stressful waiting game unless he figured out something.

He looked around as a start, and realized that his mental space didn’t feel as vast as it usually was. It was still blank, but something was wrong with it. It was like he was inside a massive white box, like someone had put up walls. It was just barely noticeable, and as Sei looked at them longer, he realized with terrible sinking feeling that they were ever so slowly coming closer. Even the color seemed to darken slightly as they shrunk. 

He had never had this happen before, but he knew what it meant. This place was a reflection of him. His power was to create, which made His mind was dying, and his mental space was dying along with it. Now he was very scared. 

Sei had no idea how much time he had left, and that unknown made him feel extremely frantic. He ran back and forth, trying to gauge just how small the space was, how fast it was shrinking. He thought that maybe if he could figure it out, he could figure out how to stop it. He knew that wouldn’t necessarily help, but he had nothing else to go off of at this point.

When he reached a wall, he just stared at it for a few moments. Something about it wasn’t quite registering for him like a normal wall, like he thought it would be. As it inched closer towards him, Sei reached his fingers out to touch the surface. Instantly his hand shot back, like he’d been shocked. The wall felt wrong. It didn’t feel disgusting and it wasn’t even painful to touch it. He could only think of it as feeling very wrong and he wanted nothing to do with that sensation.

But as he backed off from the wall to get a better look at the whole thing, the wall lurched forward, nearly slamming into Sei had he not been just out of range. It startled the boy, forcing him to back up as he noticed it was now moving faster forward after the lurch steadied and the surface continued to darken. It was now a light gray, not too much darker than the original white, but any change was frightening to see.

As much as he didn’t want to, Sei slammed himself against the wall and tried to push it back. He would be okay if he could just halt it, if that was all he could manage. He couldn’t think of anything else he could do. His mental space was closing in, and while there still a lot of it left, the walls could very well lurch again. Sei was distraught, and while he could still feel the wall inching forward, he continued to try to push it back.

It was awful. As he continued to press himself against it, Sei figured out what about the surface felt so wrong. It wasn’t how the wall itself that felt wrong, it was how it made him feel, or more, how it made him not feel. 

Just on the other side d the walls had to be just a nothingness, and any part of him that touched the surface of it lost all sense of feeling. The harder and more frantically he pressed against the wall, the less his body was able to feel. Even when he took short breaks before slamming himself against the wall again, there would be a lingering lack of feeling in some parts of him. But he tried to block how much every part of him hated the sensation.

It wasn’t too long before Sei had to stop. Even though this wasn’t his physical body, it still felt exhaustion from being overworked, and this was draining him very quickly. But even though he tried for so long and pushed back with everything he had, the wall continued to move and darken. It was already a solid gray, and the corners of the box were certainly much closer towards him. Nothing he did stopped anything, and that realization made Sei want to give up right there.

Slumping on the floor, he curled up and drooped his head in defeat. He didn’t even know he could cry in this place until he felt warm tears fall from his eyes and drop down into his knees. He just felt so helpless; he didn’t know what to do.

“P-please,” Sei begged, even though no one could hear him here. “I don’t wanna die yet… I need to see my brother… please…”

He sat still for a long while before the wall inched close enough to bump against his toes. Sei scampered back a considerable distance before settling back down. He was too tired to do much else but watch the wall continue to crawl forward and move back when it got too close for comfort. 

It was a sick thing, really, to literally sit there as death inched closer and only be able to watch. Sei never really noticed how pure the colors of his skin were, not until he studied them now. His toes were so white against the darkening gray of the floor. They almost looked like they were glowing. He actually began to wonder if they were glowing. It felt like it was something that was possible. Even the black patterns seems to illuminate lightly.

He tried to force his thoughts to wander away from the impeding death before him. It help ebb the fear down in him, and while it was still leaving him with a heavy sadness and helpless feeling, it made it hurt less. There just wasn’t anything he could do, and it made him feel so pathetic.

He began to wonder if perhaps his real body would change back into this pattern when he died as the wall caught back up to him. He scampered back again, but as he glanced back, he realized he was nearly in the center of the room. He was a far distance from the wall, but he was also the same distance away from the wall behind him, and the ones beside him. He had even failed to notice how close the room had gotten to become a deep black color.

The terror that had ebbed away came back with full force. He didn’t want to die, and every instinct in him told him to do something. Anything.

Sei gathered himself back up, the pieces of himself that he had seemingly felt fallen as he had crumbled before, and braced himself to face the wall again. He was ready to keep trying, even if his efforts were futile, until the very end. He refused to go down without a fight. He dealt with too much for way too long to die like this, right here and right now. Even if no one had no idea the fight he was putting up, he knew, and that was enough for him to continue fighting. This was his last chance.

He readied himself to charge again, but out of nowhere a thought crossed his mind. The sudden appearance of it froze him dead in his tracks. In all his frenzy and panic, Sei realized that he had forgotten about the Passerine units. The thing that he had thought could maybe be his last chance to meet his brother. As he thought it through quickly, he came to the conclusion that it could also be his last chance at saving himself.

In all honesty, Sei realized he wasn’t ready to go through with it. He had been expecting to maybe do it in a week or two, but only if he felt really sure about it. There was so much he didn’t know and pretty much everything was made up of theorizes and maybes. But he was dying. He had no way of knowing if he was going to make it out of this incident alive. He didn’t have much option at this point. He needed to do this now.

Once decided, Sei sat himself back down again. He tried to ignore the walls looming so close, becoming smaller every second as he calmed himself. He had to rip a small piece of his consciousness off from himself, like yeast from batch of bread dough, to make essentially a copy of himself that could do what he needed. The process was a painful, but it wasn’t much in comparison to what the act itself truly was. Ripping a piece of yourself away was painful thing, and Sei had to be prepared to quickly let it go.

He sat still and calm, meditating and focusing on himself, his essence, and visualizing it before himself. It took time, but slowly a body of light began to flow brighter and brighter before him. When he peeked at the form, his noticed the bits of it where there already were pieces missing. A chunk from his chest when he was younger and much less understanding of the consequences of his actions. Bits from his arms from the times when all he wanted was to explore the network he had created. A dip in his forehead from the time he hadn’t been careful enough and lost an opportunity. All of these together created a mangled and battered image, but Sei saw it as evidence that he was trying, and he was going to keep trying as much as he could.

As he got up to his knees, he reached out to the mangled specter. His fingers hovered over the surface before choosing to dip into the cavity that would be about where his stomach was on his real body. He gripped onto a small handful of light and pulled hard. He could feel it being pulled apart, his essence ripping and tearing, right out of himself. He had forgotten just how painful this could be, but it was too late for him to take it slow and try to ease the pain. 

Gritting his teeth, he yanked back, and ripped free a small wad of his essence. He cried in pain as he tumbled back, clutching the light close to his chest as the specter disappeared and . He laid still for a few moments, breathing heavily as he waited for the pain to become more bearable. He could feel it in himself, the aching pain in his stomach that burned with loss. It stung, but as he held the small was of light close to him, it hurt a little less. He never really understood why that helped, to hold the torn piece close to where it used to be, but it just did.

Eventually the pain ebbed down, and Sei shifted himself to sit up, still cradling the light wad in his hands. It was pulsing gently, fluttering like the heartbeat of a small animal. It was him in his hands, he had to remind himself, small and fragile, but ready to be changed into something much stronger and prepared to do something that scared him.

“I can’t do this on my own,” Sei said to the light, even though it was also him and knew all of this. He knew he would want to hear it too. “I need you to do this for me. I might not make it…”

Even saying it out loud was hard, but he had to face the reality of his situation.

“But I will keep trying, for as long as I can, and if I make it I will keep trying. But if I can’t… you’ve got to make it. I’ve got to make it, through you. Aoba’s out there. I have almost no idea who he is, if he’s okay, but I want to meet him. If I can meet him, or you, or we? This is complicated…”

Sei chuckled, for the first time in a long while. It felt weird to laugh, but good, even in this messed up situation.

“You’re me,” Sei continued, with a smile finally back on his face. “You might be my last chance to live. I have no idea what might happen, but I know that I would never stop trying no matter what happens. So I hope you never stop either. I hope you can give me the freedom I’ve never had.”

Holding the light wad, the little piece of himself, in one hand, he traced a small circle on the floor beside him. The black inside it faded away, and through the circle he could see the bright blue that always gave him hope. While he himself couldn’t dip into the network he had created, the bits of himself could. They always could.

Handling it with as much care as possible, Sei quickly stretched and shaped the light into something that he thought could exist in its own. The wad resisted the treatment, but as he continued to work it like taffy, it began to relax and take shape. When Sei felt like he was finished, it looked like a white bird, small and sleek but strong and able. It was as good as he felt it could ever hope be.

With a wish and a prayer, Sei guided the light through the hole he had created and dropped it through. The hole sealed up quickly behind it, severing any last connection he had with it. He had to hope now that the himself that was conscious in the light would be able to succeed. Even if he died, he would still be alive.

With his last chance now off on its own, Sei was prepared to fight until his last breath. He stood in the nearly pitch black room, head nearly bumping against the ceiling as it was closing in on him. So what if death was nearly on him. He wasn’t about to take it lying down. Not anymore.

Over and over he slammed against the walls. Over and over they never budged, but Sei was past the point of letting himself be disheartened. He was far from ready, but if this was it, he’d go out kicking and screaming all the way. When the box had become too small to even stand, he pressed his back against the wall and shoved his feet against the other, trying to force them from closing in more.

The sensation of nothing was still awful, but he didn’t care. Even when the box became so small that every side pressed against his tightly folded form, he still fought. Pressing, resisting, fighting, even when he was too compressed to move and he could feel absolutely nothing and the darkness all around felt like it was about to consume him and it was too late for anyone to possibly save him, he didn’t care.

There was still hope that he had in his last chance succeeding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, cliffhanger, that just happened. There's gonna be two or three more chapters after this, so hopefully you are enjoying this so far and keep reading till the end. This is only part one of the series!
> 
> Please leave a kudos or a comment if you like!


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